


Self-Imposed Exile

by endemictoearth



Category: Miranda (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-25
Updated: 2016-02-25
Packaged: 2018-05-23 03:10:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6102883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/endemictoearth/pseuds/endemictoearth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Miranda has shut herself away from the world after turning down both Gary and Mike's proposals. Is no Miranda an island?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Self-Imposed Exile

**Author's Note:**

> This is the VERY FIRST FANFIC I ever wrote. I wrote it about three years ago, after the cliffhanger ending to Series 3 of Miranda. So, this is in reaction to that and doesn't take into account the events of the specials. Shortly after this, I discovered MMFD, and you can see how that turned out . . .

Miranda stared at her stack of Inspector Morse DVDs. She had watched three seasons in the past week, then made a collage using pictures of Gary and Mike to depict the Battle of Waterloo. She knew how to keep busy, that was for sure. She had returned the police outfit to shop stock, but was now wearing her business suit (the leg had been repaired) to pretend she was a Sergeant working under Chief Inspector Morse. Her tile floor bore many chalk outlines of fruit friends who had perished under suspicious circumstances.  
  
Stevie was busy with the shop, and though she knew she should go down and help, she felt very exposed there. Anyone could walk in at any time, and she preferred the solitude of her apartment. She purposely never repaired the squeaky stair, so she could have advanced warning that someone was on their way up. Well, when she wasn’t listening to Spice Girls on full volume, that was.  
  
Though the confinement was of her own choosing, she also felt like she was waiting for fate to drag her back into the world. She didn’t feel that she could assert herself, and kept silently hoping that something, or someone, would force the issue of her leaving the flat.  
  
She heard a creak on the stair, picked up her banana revolver, and crept over to the door. “Who’s there? This is the police!”  
  
The door swung open to reveal Stevie and Heather Small-on-a-stick. Stevie had her free hand on her hip, and gave Miranda a disparaging look.  
  
“What are you DOing up here? Haven’t you had enough hijinx pretending to be the police? I’ve shut the shop for five minutes to come up and check on you!”  
  
“Aren’t you afraid we’ll lose business? You’re always on at me about maximizing availability to create customer loyalty or whatever.”  
  
“The shop’s fine. I compiled a chart that tracks customer visits, and this is traditionally a low ebb for sales. Actually, the data also shows that–”  
  
Miranda yawned loudly, peeled her banana revolver, and shoved it in Stevie’s mouth. “Most elucidating, thanks!” she chirped and sat down on the couch. “I’m fine up here. I’m catching up on some telly, and working on a few projects …” She pointed to the Take That diorama on the counter. “I’m coping in my own way, okay?”  
  
Stevie spat the banana into her hand and threw the whole mess into the bin. “I–WE” she gestured with Heather “know how hard this must be for you. But you can’t just lock yourself away up here like you’re a princess in a tower! You’ve got to get out and about sometime. We could go clubbing again; Tilly and Charlie were saying they’d love to go!”  
  
Miranda had been slumped on the sofa, but this suggestion made her sit upright with indignation. “Even the notion! Yes, it’s true, the last time I went clubbing, I did meet someone, but I’ll never meet anyone that nice again, and, besides, I don’t WANT to meet anyone. And I DON’T want to watch Tilly and Ping-Pong Charlie writhing on the dance floor to the latest hip hop beats.” She shuddered at the thought.  
  
Then, she thought of Mike in his costume at Stevie’s birthday party and sighed. “I thought I’d found my knight once, but I don’t think I ever will. Some people just stay alone, Stevie, and that’s just going to have to be enough for me. It has been before!” She felt herself faltering, but stood up and declared, “This princess does not NEED a knight in shining armor!”  
  
Stevie looked at Miranda skeptically and said, “Miranda, we might not NEED knights, but sometimes they’re nice to have around.” She looked at her watch and said, “Oh! Five minutes is up! Back to the shop for us, Heather!” As she bounded out the door, she paused to look back at Miranda. “Anything you need, let me know, okay?”  
  
Miranda smiled at her very small friend. “Thanks, Stevie. I will.”  
  
***  
  
Downstairs, Stevie unlocked the door and took down the “Back in Five!” sign from the window. She glanced toward the street and saw Gary looking at the shop with a forlorn face. He had a couple of envelopes in his hand, and when he saw Stevie looking at him, he straightened up and pretended to check each one carefully.  
  
Stevie opened the door. “Gary?”  
  
He started at his name. “Oh, hi, Stevie! Just mailing some bills! Just walking to the post box to mail these bills, that’s all!” Stevie smiled ruefully at him as he nervously laughed for no reason. “But they can wait a minute. How are you?”  
  
“I’m fine, Gary.”  
  
“And, and, and …”  
  
“And?”  
  
“And, how’s Miranda?”  
  
Stevie didn’t reply right away. She thought about how Miranda would want her to answer this question from Gary. “Sheeee’s … okay. I think. She will be okay.”  
  
“Well, good. I mean, that’s all I care about. That’s she’s okay with everything.” He tapped his letters on his free hand and rocked back on his heels. “Do you think–” he broke off. “Do you think she’ll ever want to see me again?”  
  
Stevie decided to be as honest as she could. “I think she doesn’t think she CAN see you again.” Gary’s face fell even further. “At the moment! At the moment, I mean. But give her some more time, and she might change her mind.”  
  
Gary nodded wordlessly and walked away. Stevie closed the shop door and sighed. She desperately wished she could sort these two out, but she knew she couldn’t force the issue.  
  
Just then, Penny waltzed into the shop, showily wearing a brightly colored pashmina. “Hello, Stevie! How are you?”  
  
“I’m fine, but I’m worried about–”  
  
“Oh, good!” interrupted Penny. “I wondered if you’d talked to Miranda about leaving her chrysalis today. I’ve had several invitations for parties this weekend, and I want to get her back on the market. Just because she can’t decide between two perfectly eligible men doesn’t mean the clock has stopped ticking on her what I call sell-by date!”  
  
“Penny, that’s not very sensitive. And she DID make a choice. The choice was neither. She couldn’t marry Mike, feeling the way she did about Gary, and she couldn’t marry Gary, knowing he felt pressured into proposing. She’s definitely not ready to be OUT THERE right now. Trust me.”  
  
“Listen, I know you think I’m the pushiest mother since Ethel Merman, but I actually do care about my daughter. I don’t want her to be alone in the twilight of her life, with only five cats and fruit friends to talk to. If that means PUSHing her, whether it’s out of her comfort zone or out the front door, I’m going to do it!” Penny started up the stairs and was so quick, Miranda didn’t have time to react to the stair squeak.  
  
The door swung open as her mother says, “Miranda, enough of this wallowing. You’re not actually a walrus, though the comparison is obvious. It’s time to get on with your life!”  
  
“Mum, I’m sorting stuff out. I’m not ready to stop walrusing, I mean, wallowing!”  
  
“Darling, I understand, beLIEVE me. Back in ‘66, I had two men propose within a week. I was still mulling over Dave Davies’s offer, when Rod Stewart asked me three days later! I turned them both down in the end, but I was only 17! I knew I’d have plenty of offers. Frankly, I don’t know how many more times you’ll be asked.”  
  
Miranda stamped her foot indignantly. “I don’t WANT to get married, Mum! Even if I was asked by someone I wanted to marry who was ready to ask me, I don’t think I’d say yes. Maybe I’ll find someone I want to live with, but if I don’t, what’s the big deal?”  
  
“WHAT’S THE BIG DEAL? I know it’s your life to ruin, darling, but don’t you think you might change your mind? What if you find you wished you’d gotten married, only to find that it’s too late? I AM thinking of you, despite what you may think!”  
  
“Well, I’ll figure it out. Or I won’t! Not everyone is as organized and put together and pashmina’ed as you are, Mum! Some of us struggle to figure out what we want, and then when we finally do, we don’t always get it!”  
  
Penny put a hand to the pashmina at her neck. “Darling, there’s no need to bring my pashmina into it. I understand you’re upset; I just want you to be happy. Sorry if I upset you. I’ll run home now. Your father has ordered us matching robes … silk … and I want to make sure they fit! Such fun!”  
  
Miranda visibly cringed at the thought. Stevie stuck her head in the door. “Miranda?”  
  
“I thought you were watching the shop!”  
  
“Well, I heard what your mother told you, but you didn’t hear what she told me.”  
  
“What? That I’m a weird fat lonely loser and she’s ashamed to have me as a daughter?”  
  
“No. She said that she doesn’t want you to be alone when you get older. That’s the reason she pushes you so hard about the marriage thing! She wants to make sure you have someone–”  
  
“To take care of me because I’m so incompetent?”  
  
“No, I think she just wants you to have someone. Full stop.”  
  
“Oh.”  
  
“And …”  
  
“Yes?”  
  
“And I saw Gary in the street when I was turning the sign around. He wanted to know if you’d ever want to see him again.”  
  
“What did you tell him?”  
  
“I said that you didn’t right now, but that you might … someday.”  
  
Miranda looked down and sighed.  
  
“I’ll go back down now. But I’m here if you need me!”  
  
“Thanks, Stevie.”  
  
***  
  
Back at the restaurant, Gary was moping around the kitchen. He had always dreamed of owning his own place, but now that he did, it didn’t seem enough. He stirred a pot of sauce absent-mindedly. The door swung open and Clive looked at him with exasperation. “Gary, three tables need their orders!”  
  
“Right, sorry!” Gary grabbed the first dinner ticket he saw and started to plate up a portion.  
  
Clive grabbed another ticket and said, “Fine, I’ll help you. But you’ve got to do something about your moping. Are you sure you can’t talk to her?”  
  
“Who?”  
  
“Don’t play coy with me, Gary Preston! Miranda. Stevie told me all about what happened last week. I can’t believe I missed so much development!”  
  
“Yeah, well, any development has ceased and desisted. We’re back to being … well. I don’t even know if we’re even friends anymore!” Gary put down the plate he was fixing and rubbed the back of his neck anxiously.  
  
“Come on, Gary! Pull yourself together. Let’s get these orders out, and then we’ll talk about it, okay?”  
  
“Okay.”  
  
***  
  
Once the last table of the night had been cleared, Gary and Clive sat at a table with two large drinks. Whiskey for Gary and a pina colada for Clive. “So, what really happened between you?” Clive asked.  
  
“I-I’m not sure. Miranda said she loved me on the night of the restaurant opening. I was so mad at her for abandoning me that day; I’d had to call Rose to come and help out, which was weird.” Clive looked at him blankly. “Oh, Rose was this girl I’d been seeing, I thought I wrote you about her.”  
  
“The one who talked all the time and made you book a mini-break after going out for two weeks?”  
  
“Yeah. That’s the one. Anyway, I was so shocked, I didn’t know what to say when she shouted she loved me. As far as I knew, she was going out with Mike and was really happy about it. So, I just stood there, no doubt with a stupid look on my face, and said nothing.”  
  
“Oh, Gary.”  
  
“I know. But then, I thought a lot about everything, and finally felt ready to talk to her, but she was packed up and ready to leave. I guess seeing those suitcases spooked me, and I still couldn’t quite say anything.”  
  
“Oh, GARy!”  
  
“I know! And then, the next morning, Stevie told me she was leaving for Scotland and I’d better run if I was going to catch her. I actually paused and thought I should let her go, because who knows if I can be what she wants? But then I found myself running to the station.”  
  
Clive took a sip of his drink, eyes wide with wonder. “And then?”  
  
“I got there just in time to see her train leaving. But, of course, Miranda being Miranda, she’d gotten on the wrong train. So, just when I think it’s over and she’s gone, she bursts out of the train door, yelling for the train to wait! By the time we ran back to her flat …”  
  
Clive stared at him, confused. “Ran?”  
  
“Youths.”  
  
“Ah, of course.”  
  
“So, we’re at her flat, and I tell her I can’t let her go and that I realized it’s only ever been her, and she’s asking me if I’m sure, so I just kissed her. Mainly to shut her up, you know.”  
  
“Well, obviously. So, then what happened?”  
  
“We snogged for a quite a bit, but I had to come back here to finish getting ready for Penny’s reception. Miranda came over to the restaurant, and when she hugged me it felt so great. A little weird, but really great! And then she said we should tell everyone.”  
  
“Uh-oh.”  
  
“I panicked a bit. I said we should wait. I just didn’t want to make a big announcement minutes after getting together.”  
  
Clive took a bit of pineapple out of his mouth. “Hang on a second. At this point in the story, have you told Miranda you love her?”  
  
Gary looked down. “Um, no. Actually, at this point, that’s what Miranda said she needed to hear. And I was manning up to say it … when Mike walked in.”  
  
“This is the bit Stevie told me!”  
  
“Yeah, so I’m in the back getting a bottle of champagne, doing a bit of deep breathing to prepare, and when I come back out, Mike’s on one knee. I couldn’t believe Miranda would say yes, after what had just happened with us, but when she looked at me and asked me what did I say, I just took a deep breath and got on my knee. Because, she couldn’t marry Mike!”  
  
“Man, I picked the wrong time to take a holiday! So, what happened after that? Why has she retreated to her marble tower?”  
  
“Seems she’s convinced the only reason I proposed was because I felt pressured by the situation.”  
  
“Was that the only reason?”  
  
“It was certainly a factor, but it was like I had been taken over by something bigger. I knew I couldn’t let her spend her life with anyone other than me. But she ran to her apartment and hasn’t been out since. She’s even rigged up a pulley for her trash to be dumped in the skip in the alley.”  
  
“And what were YOU doing in the alley?”  
  
Gary flushed. “Just hoping to get a glimpse of her. I miss her so much, Clive.”  
  
“Believe me, I know, Gary.”  
  
There was a knock at the door.  
  
“We’re closed!” Gary and Clive shouted in unison.  
  
Then another, more insistent, knock.  
  
“WE’RE–oh, never mind,” Gary stood up to see who was at the door. “Stevie?”  
  
“Let me in, Gary!”  
  
“Of course!” He unlocked the door, and Stevie slunk in wearing sunglasses.  
  
“It’s eleven o’clock. What’s with the shades?”  
  
“I’m trying to be stealth, because Miranda doesn’t know I’m coming to see you.”  
  
“Oh. Right.” He slumped his shoulders at the thought that Miranda didn’t even want her friends associating with him.  
  
“This is no time for being dejected, Gary! I was going to give you both time, but I’ve decided that you’ve both had more than enough of that. I’m intervening, whether either of you like it or not!”  
  
“Oh! Right!” Gary perked up.  
  
“What you need is a Miranda plan, Gary, and I’m uniquely qualified as her best friend to help you plot the plan.”  
  
“I’m willing to try anything. Well …” He thought for a second. “No, it’s true! I’m willing to try literally anything!”  
  
“Perfect! So, listen, I had a conversation with Miranda earlier today that got me to thinking …”  
  
***  
  
Miranda was having yet another night in. The delivery guy had just left, so she had a lovely cardboard container of curry, and was about to start her Poirot DVDs from the beginning when she heard a ping. Or was it a knock? There was another one! She grabbed her banana revolver in one hand, and her largest remote control in the other and went to the kitchen, where the noise seemed to be coming from. She opened the dishwasher to investigate, took out a pair of melted pants, and shook her head. Then another ping came right by her head. The window! Someone was throwing something at it!  
  
She pulled the curtains and looked down to see someone on a horse, a white horse, wearing a rented knight costume.The helmet made it impossible to tell who it was.  
  
She opened the window and yelled, “Stevie? I told you I didn’t need a knight. Joke’s over!”  
  
There was no response.  
  
“Well, if you’re not Stevie, who is it?” For one excruciating moment she thought it might be Mike. She thought she had sufficiently apologized and explained a week ago, and couldn’t face him trying to win her back.  
  
The knight pulled off his helmet and smiled sheepishly up at her. It was Gary. She felt a rush of relief.  
  
“What are you doing down there, you weirdo?”  
  
“I’ve come to win the heart of the fair maiden!” He gestured awkwardly with his cardboard sword.  
  
Miranda snorted. “Fair maiden? Yeah, right.”  
  
Gary’s face went from sheepish to angry. “YES. FAIR. Beautiful. Marvelous! You have to let people say what they feel, Miranda. This is why I was scared before. You never let people say nice things to you, and I …”  
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
Gary shifted on the saddle and repositioned his helmet from under his right arm to under his left. The horse whinnied and started to move.  
  
“No! I mean, whoa! I mean, can I get off this horse and come up?”  
  
Miranda took a deep breath. “Sure. I guess. The door’s open. I don’t have any hay, though, so leave the horse down there, please and thank you to you very so.”  
  
As he struggled to get off the horse, Miranda shut the window, and thought about what Gary had just said. That she was beautiful. He was obviously lying, she thought. In a kind way, of course, but no one had ever said it to her before, so she didn’t believe him now. Actually, she would pretend he hadn’t said it, and prayed he wouldn’t say it again.  
  
She heard him stomping up the stairs; the armor must be heavy. She took a deep breath and heard the door open. When he was outside her window, it was like a play. She was part of it, but also a spectator. Now that he was in her apartment, again, things felt uncomfortably real.  
  
“Hi,” he said, gently.  
  
“Hi,” she whispered back. Her head was down, but she looked up at Gary through her fringe and smiled shyly. She felt so silly; HOW could she possibly feel shy with someone she’d known so well for so long?  
  
With that look, Gary’s heart skipped a beat. It was like she was looking at him and in him at the same time. Other girls he had dated, like Rose, seemed to have rehearsed all their facial expressions in the mirror beforehand. They knew just how big to smile and which way to tilt their head to get what they wanted. But Gary knew that Miranda had no idea how irresistibly adorable and vulnerable she looked right now.  
  
He dropped his helmet and sword and quickly strode over to her, intending to kiss her. Miranda saw what was happening and put up her hand. “Gary, wait …”  
  
“I CAN’T WAIT ANYMORE, MIRANDA!” He grabbed her and kissed her, pushing her back against the counter. She went limp and melted into the embrace.  
  
After several moments, he released her. “Wow!” she said, hand on her heart. “That was … wow.”  
  
“Yes, it was pretty wow,” Gary agreed.  
  
“I only said wait because I thought you might want to take off your chain mail.”  
  
“No, you were still scared. And so am I. But not so scared that I’m not willing to give us a chance. I don’t want to lose you, but I really don’t want to wonder what might have happened.”  
  
Miranda nodded slowly. “I guess. When I saw how scared you were when I wanted to tell everyone, and I thought, if he doesn’t even want to admit we’re together, what chance do we have?”  
  
“Miranda! It wasn’t that! We had JUST finally had a breakthrough, and you wanted to announce it from the rooftops. All I wanted to do was spend some time with you, just the two of us, to figure things out. And, mainly, I didn’t want to waste time answering questions from your mum and Stevie and Tilly. I just wanted to BE WITH YOU.” He took a deep breath. “Listen, can I ask you something?”  
  
“Well, obviously you can! You just did!” She joked half-heartedly, still tense and wary, not sure if she could relax.  
  
“I mean something serious.” Gary looked down at his hands.  
  
“I guess so. We’ve had a lot of serious chats recently. Why stop now?”  
  
“Well, I was just wondering. Why didn’t you go to Wick? You had the ticket. I saw you look at it after I–we–well, I saw you look.”  
  
“I thought about running, I really did. It’s what I normally do. And, in a way, I did run. Back to my lovely apartment, hoping it could be the sanctuary it was before you came back into my life. It was when you went back to Hong Kong, but … it isn’t anymore. I guess I could put it back on the market. Maybe that nice couple is still looking for a place. But, everywhere I look …”  
  
“What?”  
  
“Everywhere I look, there’s a memory. Of us. Of you. And as much as I tell myself I want to erase the past, I think that would be even more painful. Like that time I fell off the stool.”  
  
“WHICH time?” Gary chuckled.  
  
“It’s not funny, Gary.” She smirked in spite of herself and shoved Gary in the shoulder. He grabbed her hand and held it.  
  
“That’s where you’re wrong! It’s funny because YOU’RE funny. Not just because you fall over or fart, but because you can laugh at yourself. And you can laugh at me. You’re the first person who ever laughed at me that I didn’t feel was taking the piss or being vindictive. You’re the funniest, kindest, loveliest, and the best person I’ve ever known.”  
  
Her mouth fell open. “Oh.”  
  
“Is that all you can say?”  
  
“Probably.” Her eyes were suddenly full of tears. She sniffed and turned away so he couldn’t see them.  
  
“Miranda! I can see you crying! Why can’t you let me say what I feel? I thought that’s what you wanted.”  
  
“It was. It is! I just never thought you actually would. I thought about what it might be like if you ever did, hundreds of times. I just never imagined … that. I kept my hopes small, so I wouldn’t be too hurt if they never happened.”  
  
“I’m so, so sorry it’s taken me so, so long. I truly do love you, Miranda. I love you! I think I probably always have, but didn’t let myself recognize it. I just thought you were the best friend I could ever hope for, and I wanted you to be in my life always. Whenever anything happened, good or bad, I wanted to tell you first.”  
  
She finally turned around to look at him. “You love me?”  
  
“I absolutely do.”  
  
“Then, that’s all I need.” This time, she threw her arms around him and drew him in for a passionate kiss. Then, when SHE released HIM, she tossed her hair triumphantly, and caught her a chunk of it in the window blind over the sink. “Oh. Ow!”  
  
Gary smiled adoringly at her, and said, “Hold still, Miranda. I’ll rescue you.”


End file.
